I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
