I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
