my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
