Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
