He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
