goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
