I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
