im gay
i know
yea but for you.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
