So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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