Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
