look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
