plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
vagina is talking i cant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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