A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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