remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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