if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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