Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
