so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
