1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
