I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
