an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
