she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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