Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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