new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
