I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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