Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
