somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
