If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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