Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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