I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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