just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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