Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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