your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
