i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
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Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..