Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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