when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sorry my hands just texted you
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
