if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
