I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
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he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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