It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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