So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
as a side note pls kill me
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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