tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
