when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
