I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
