I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
