so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
