I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
