wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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