Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
