dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
