dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
