Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
