I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
