Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
