Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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