oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
