Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
