i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
