Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
