How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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