I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
