What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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