We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
