so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
