I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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