i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So vagazzling was a success
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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