You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
there was a trapeze. enough said
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
