look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
