Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation