sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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