you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game