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Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
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