Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?

  (206): View more from Washington

  neither do i

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  (206): remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot? (206): neither do i http://tfl.nu/7dbm
  Replies (3) Good night (705) Bad night (772)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying

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  (574): all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying http://tfl.nu/ymvi
  Replies (15) Good night (4743) Bad night (602)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.

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  (860): I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead. http://tfl.nu/t7ti
  Replies (11) Good night (3393) Bad night (1296)
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  (714): View more from California

  You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that

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  (714): You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that http://tfl.nu/q1k2
  Replies (13) Good night (4751) Bad night (1325)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god

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  (740): you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god http://tfl.nu/byer
  Replies (25) Good night (7596) Bad night (1122)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  it was like getting a handjob from robocop

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  (412): it was like getting a handjob from robocop http://tfl.nu/4yuu
  Replies (15) Good night (1012) Bad night (4105)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays

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  (608): First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays http://tfl.nu/7wbr
  Replies (7) Good night (1912) Bad night (772)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs

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  (732): I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs http://tfl.nu/vyur
  Replies (6) Good night (2297) Bad night (739)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.

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  (773): in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already. http://tfl.nu/yc7m
  Replies (9) Good night (1812) Bad night (635)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.

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  (512): She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on. http://tfl.nu/lja4
  Replies (17) Good night (800) Bad night (1315)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.

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  (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem. http://tfl.nu/ie18
  Replies (10) Good night (1755) Bad night (872)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.

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  (615): I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake. http://tfl.nu/9fke
  Replies (1) Good night (928) Bad night (325)
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  (323): View more from California

  In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.

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  (323): In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink. http://tfl.nu/5x8b
  Replies (5) Good night (813) Bad night (380)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink

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  (202): Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink http://tfl.nu/99ua
  Replies (5) Good night (598) Bad night (369)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.

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  (412): I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls. http://tfl.nu/kdxo
  Replies (1) Good night (542) Bad night (335)

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