I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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