Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.

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  (203): You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace. http://tfl.nu/24s5
  Replies (48) Good night (7216) Bad night (1158)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.

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  (609): I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish. http://tfl.nu/0wzx
  Replies (46) Good night (6398) Bad night (999)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower

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  (269): im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower http://tfl.nu/s38n
  Replies (15) Good night (3170) Bad night (833)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.

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  (316): she thought the capital of kansas was topanga. http://tfl.nu/ge7r
  Replies (41) Good night (3860) Bad night (1702)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic

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  (202): I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic http://tfl.nu/pd64
  Replies (12) Good night (1474) Bad night (4479)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet

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  (215): Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet http://tfl.nu/qzss
  Replies (11) Good night (5081) Bad night (1543)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Jesus...So southern.

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  (774): Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat. (401): Jesus...So southern. http://tfl.nu/htgy
  Replies (11) Good night (1564) Bad night (2900)
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  (+49): View more from Germany

  Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.

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  (+49): Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom. http://tfl.nu/2s5g
  Replies (6) Good night (2960) Bad night (1132)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.

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  (902): The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes. http://tfl.nu/ae5m
  Replies (3) Good night (2186) Bad night (871)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition

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  (989): tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition http://tfl.nu/yo0y
  Replies (2) Good night (1018) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match

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  (303): I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match http://tfl.nu/tsdg
  Replies (1) Good night (686) Bad night (341)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them

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  (617): Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them http://tfl.nu/p251
  Replies (3) Good night (767) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.

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  (217): Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill. http://tfl.nu/rrda
  Replies (1) Good night (499) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night

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  (860): I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night http://tfl.nu/320l
  Replies (2) Good night (378) Bad night (753)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.

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  (214): You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much. http://tfl.nu/2bui
  Replies (1) Good night (508) Bad night (284)

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