you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
