i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
