I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just gargled with NyQuil
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
