How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
