So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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