So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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