I wish I only lived at night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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