tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Randomize
