pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
