After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
