We named our party play list daddy issues
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
