i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
