Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
