Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
